This beautiful young woman told me that she was addicted to how other people saw her. This was after hours of me trying to point out that formspring was a stupid waste of time. This girl was being harassed by an anonymous classmate. This girl is a wonderful person, a baby christian, just learning about the life she could have in Christ. Yet she broke my heart, and God's heart I'm sure, when she refused to give up the so called "constructive criticism" she received from formspring. I'd looked at the comments before and they were vicious. This girl had every reason to delete them and forget the nasty and untrue words. Yet, she clung tight to them and refused to let herself be free. This made me think of all the things we cling to, for instance I have a friend or two that cling to a boy. I myself, because I'm so 'mature' and 'above dating' just cling to the idea of my ideal man. Yes, I cling to the idea of an ideal person. That's radiculous. Others cling to a sport of a hobby, and it becomes their whole life. Sometimes I cling to myself, because I'm so afraid everything else will let me down.
What we dont realize is that those things that we cling to, they have grabbed ahold of us. Now we exist as slaves to them. Not only slaves, but voluntary slaves. When we could simply let go and be free, we hold on with all are might so that we may live another day to serve the masters we created for ourselves. We are trapt. And there is something we can do about it. The girl,who I love love love, and that is mentioned above; I want her to be free so badly. I know that I myself am trapt. And that I am terrified to let go. I don't want that for her. I don't want that for me, or you, either. But especially not for her. She should be free. We all should.

No End in Sight

Im pretty sure that their isn’t one thing in the world that won't eventually kill you. Either you eat a ‘love it’ sized ice cream at cold stone creamery every night and become obese and slowly kill yourself through diabetes or you add a few too many sprinkles of salt to your entrée and end up with heart disease. Maybe you choose a more obvious route like weed, everyone’s heard from health class that smoking pot has unfortunate health related consequences. You could eat perfectly healthy and run outside everyday… too bad you forgot sunscreen and eventually die of skin cancer. Or maybe you remembered it and just get hit by a bus… and even if you do always look both ways and never run on the wrong side of the road you will eventually become and old person and you will eventually die. Everyone dies. So in order to seek fulfillment you should probably not look to the world for the answer to life. Because in the world there are so many things that seem to be the root of evil and the root of death. The world is essentially sin. We must look out of this world to find something more to cling too, something pure and wonderful. If you have never felt God you probably have never looked deep enough into a sunset, or walked slowly enough through a large field, you’ve probably thought too long or not enough about how you got here. Because the answer is simple and reassuring. Let yourself be fulfilled by it. God gave us the earth and we ruined it (read Genesis). He didn’t turn away though, he forgives us still and has a home prepared for everyone in heaven. Im already trying to imagine mine. Look into the world for clues as to know that God is out there. Look at the sun that rises and sets. Look at the way water reflects images, shapes and colors, but adds sparkle and light of its own to everything. Breath many different kinds of air. Never overuse anything. Don’t underuse yourself. Accept genuine smiles. Experience silence and appritiate it. Don’t be afraid of the dark and unexpected and be confidant that you have a guide. Feel life, and don’t speak too much because words quickly kill the beauty. We all die, but we have life left now to live, and a home prepared for us in the future. So live, and love God, and wait patiently as we have been told to do. Its not all for nothing… and we have everything to live for.

And as I look into your eyes, I've finally made it home

who knows the true genuineness behind these words. who knows if i have a chance. who knows why i risk my heart. and why i enjoy, and i hate, the ache of it all. who cares if this makes you uncomfortable. who cares if this makes me weak. this is true and real. this is how i feel at the time im feeling it.

AP 2D Concentration

Stupid AP 2d Concentration. I dont know what to do. I want to pick something amazing. I want to reflect myself in this concentration. I may never have this chance again. I mean how often does someone get lucky enough for someone to basically hand you a million different art supplies and tell you to make whatever you want. That just doesnt happen. Im so lucky. I dont want to waste this. What do I do?

Pretty Woman

I've seen pretty woman like 3 times. Never seen the end. I kinda wish I could capture the energy that Julia Roberts has. I love being me, thats for sure, but I also like her an aweful lot. She just has a spark and a genuiness, of course, it's a movie. It's fake, scripted, so why does she seem so real? And why do I want what she has in the movie. The beautiful, the exciting, the extravagant. The eveerything that she has that is contrary to what my life has always been about.

i go to this window

i go to this window

just as day dissolves
when it is twilight(and
looking up in fear

i see the new moon
thinner than a hair)

making me feel
how myself has been coarse and dull
compared with you, silently who are
and cling
to my mind always

But now she sharpens and becomes crisper
until i smile with knowing
-and all about
herself

the sprouting largest final air

plunges
inward with hurled
downward thousands of enormous dreams
~ee cummings

Picture

This year I started taking pictures for my AP 2-D class. I'm just starting to use photoshop and edit my photos. I want to learn about lighting effects and to effectively use people as subjects. But right now its just the beginning and this is just a photo, but it's a photo I like.